Ed, Roy, and the Foosball Table
by agent000
Summary: I have a very strange perception of fun...for instance, channeling a couple spirits who call themselves Ed and Roy while they're playing a game of Astral Foosball. Stupid, but fun.


**_Hey, everyone! This is the first time I've ever done something like this, hehe. Like "To Believe in a Ghost", this story is all about real ghosts. Unlike it, however, I wasn't possessed while writing this. I merely paid attention to what these two individuals were doing, and wrote down everything they did and said. (snicker) Those two are really bizarre when they want to be!_**

Okay, just so you know, I didn't change anything they said (except for the occasional swear word, since I won't type up swear words, much to Ed's disapproval, hehe.) Whatever they call each other is what they call each other. Yes, the ghosts are FMA fanatics, and they do indeed enjoy roleplaying. If you're ever over at animelab and see a mysterious Edward Elric in the roleplay channel that keeps referring to the fact that he's dead...well...you'll know who it is. He likes to channel through his friends and go into that channel, hehe.

Anyway, I hope that you all enjoy this. Let me know what you think, as I've never done something like this before. Oh, and yes, they do frequently refer to inside jokes in this...um...sketch? They tried to make them more or less understandable, but feel free to ask if you still don't understand what's going on. These two are crazy, that's all I can say! Hehe.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. None of us do.

"I do!" Um, yeah, whatever, Ed.

"No, I do!"

"Roy, you do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

You two, break it up! Since when have you started infiltrating my disclaimers?

"We infiltrate everything...or at least I do, right Roy?"

"Yeah, you do. You're small enough."

"You jerk! You're gonna pay for that!" Roy runs off. "Come back here you coward! Come back and taste my wrath! I am so gonna..." And the two run off into the sunset. Heh.

"Okay, Roy, here's the ball," said Ed as he put it in the side of the table, and the game began. Roy swung his players and missed a few times, while heckling Ed a bit.

"Come on, Melissa, you're typing too slow! How are we supposed to play foosball if you're typing at such a slow pace?" said Ed.

"It's the astral, how else?" I replied.

Edward shrugged and continued with the game. Of course, in the distraction, Roy managed to score. "Wha-?" said Ed, "That's...That's cheating!"

"No, it's not, Fullmetal," said Roy, "It's not my fault you got all distracted." Ed crossed his arms, and Roy chuckled as he moved the point counter so that he had one point.

"Okay, I'm going to go back and edit this." I said, noticing how badly I had translated the first few paragraphs.

"Well, hurry up!" said Ed, "We can't just leave it here where Roy's ahead!"

"Fine, fine, I'll hurry."

Soon, I was back, or am back rather, typing away getting ready to see what else the two crazy nuts at the astral foosball table have in store. Ready guys?

Roy threw back his head and laughed, which I took as a yes, and Ed started rubbing his hands and grinning in an evil manner, which I also interpreted as a yes. Ed suddenly grabbed one of his bars and swung it furiously, startling Roy out of his trance. Roy quickly moved to try and counter the attack, but it was too late. Edward had scored.

At this, Edward started dancing around the room, shouting and singing, "Woohoo! I scored! I scored! Roy's going down!"

Roy simply rolled his eyes and said, "Get back to the game, Fullmetal..." He paused a moment, and then added, "Shrimp."

Ed turned around and gave him a glare. That did the trick. He would have retorted with one of his rants, but this was not the time to be wasting precious time yelling when Roy could simply swing one of his bars and win. No, no...the best way to get revenge was to win.

He gripped a couple of his bars and started spinning them like a madman. They looked like they were about to go on fire. Actually, they did, since it's the astral, but we're going to ignore that fact for now. In spite of the extra effort Ed was putting into the event, Roy still managed to score.

Roy leaned back and chuckled. "Next time, pay a little more attention to your goalie, got it?"

Ed glared at Roy, grabbed the ball, and slammed it into the center of the table. "I'm not sure if that's allowed," said Roy.

"It doesn't matter, it's the astral," said Ed.

"Then does that mean we can bring penguins into the game?" asked Roy with a look of mischief on his face.

"What's up with you and your stupid penguins?" said Ed, "No, we can't bring penguins into the game!"

"But you just said this is the astral," protested Roy.

"This is the astral," said Ed.

"Then why can't I bring penguins into the game?"

"WILL YOU STOP WITH YOUR STUPID PENGUINS?"

Roy stopped and stared for a moment, and then shrugged. "Geez, I just thought I'd ask." He then grabbed one of his bars and swung it only to find that the ball was in a spot where no one could reach it. He reached his arm over the table and nudged the ball with his hand.

"Hey!" said Ed, "That's not allowed!"

"As you said, this is the astral," said Roy. Ed grunted and just decided that it would be better to let Roy have that one than to argue with him over such a trivial matter. He needed his strength to beat Roy.

Ed again put full force into spinning his bars like a crazy madman, but the stupid ball just rolled lazily along, completely avoiding him! Angrily, he bent down closer to the table to try and get a better view, which Roy thought ironic, since he didn't think Ed NEEDED a better view of the table (getting a glare from Ed of course, since he can read his thoughts). Roy chuckled at Ed's behavior, and then slowly moved one of his men so that it just lightly kicked the ball...which gently rolled past Ed's crazy, spinning men into the goal.

Ed stopped spinning his bar, though it took a few seconds for the bar itself to slow down, and just stared at the goal, as if wondering how in the entirety of the universe, that had been possible. Yeah, Roy must've cheated, that must've been it. Roy couldn't possibly beat the great Fullmetal Alchemist without cheating. Right, that was it.

Ed then grabbed the ball again. Angrily, he threw it onto the table, and let it bounce. Roy laughed, but didn't really care. He sort of had expected something like this from Ed. Well, he had expected worse, but this would do.

Roy then turned one of his bars so that the feet of one of the men made contact with the ball, and very slowly, gave it a nudge. The ball slowly floated over in the direction of the goal, with Ed looking on, wondering how the heck Roy had managed to pull that off before he remembered that they were in the astral.

"Roy...Colonel idiot Mustang...um...whatever I call you, since if I call you what I WANT to call you Melissa will censor me (sigh). You KNOW that that's not allowed! You can't just go and make balls slowly float towards the goal!"

"Why not?" said Roy, "If one can do it, why not do it?"

"Well, I can move the ball into the goal with my hands too, but that doesn't mean that I'm allowed to."

"You don't have hands," corrected Roy.

"Well I do for the time being, idiot! Darn, I wish I could say something worse! I am seriously going to wreak havoc on you, Melissa, for not allowing me to speak my mind!"

"Havoc? The guy with the cigarette?" I said.

"Yeah, that's him," said Roy, "Do you know him?"

"Hey, don't change the subject!" yelled Ed.

"No, I haven't met him yet, but I've heard about him."

"I said, don't change the subject!" Ed yelled again, "And don't ignore me either!"

"Yeah, a lot of people have heard about Havoc," said Roy, "He's a pretty nice guy when you get to know him."

"I'm sure he is," I said.

About this time, Ed had given up shouting, though he had been doing so during our whole conversation, and just proceeded to start sobbing, which we could all tell was fake and very poorly done.

"This is not fake! This is real, you...Grrr! I can't cuss or you'll censor me!"

"You shouldn't want to cuss at Mua anyway...however you spell that."

Ed crossed his arms. "Heh, Melissa doesn't know how to spell!" He then leaned back his head and laughed.

Roy then walked up and slapped Ed's back. "Look who's not crying anymore." Of course, the slap had been a little harder than necessary, as it had knocked Ed forward, causing him to turn around and glare at Mustang.

"What was that for? You didn't have to do it so hard!"

Roy then looked at his hand and smirked. "I'm sorry if it bothered you so much, Fullmetal. You know, you could've just allowed my hand to pass through you. You don't have a body."

"Sure, go ahead, rub it in." Ed then thrust his hands into his pockets and stomped out of the room.

"So, who won?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Roy, "Not only was I winning, but he forfeited the game, so I win by default."

"Who said anything about forfeiting the game?" asked a familiar voice.

Roy turned and smiled. "Oh, I see that our favorite pipsqueak is back for more. How touching."

"DON'T CALL ME A PIPSQUEAK YOU (beep) COLONEL! Darn, I got censored."

Roy chuckled and took his position back at the game, which, ironically, was on the other side of the board, but it IS the astral after all. "So, do you want to finish the game?"

"No," said Ed, "But I think that they might." Ed then stepped aside and revealed a mess of penguins who all simultaneously charged and attacked Roy.

As roy flailed beneath the pile of penguins, he said, "Where the heck did all these penguins come from?"

Edward sneered. "They're all the offspring of that evil penguin you gave me a few weeks ago. Remember, the Ishbalan penguin that hit me with a Christmas tree?"

Roy sat up and rubbed his head as the penguins started to disperse. "Oh, that one. Yeah, I remember...no wonder all these little suckers had red eyes, like they had a taste for blood. I was sorry to have to disappoint them, since I don't HAVE any blood."

"That wasn't a racist comment, was it?"

Roy looked up. "A what?"

"A racist comment...against Ishbal."

Roy slowly stood up. "Now why would I be making a racist comment against the people of Ishbal? I hold nothing against them. I just think those penguins are evil."

"You finally admit it!" Ed then clapped his hands in excitement and jumped and hollered for a second before finally coming to his senses. He stopped and turned to face Roy. "So...did I win?"

"Win what?" asked Roy.

"The game."

Roy rolled his eyes. "No, you didn't win the game, dummy. I ended with more points than you, and if you're going to just quit like this, I win anyway. That's two strikes against you."

Ed once again thrust his hands into his pocket and began to walk out of the room as he muttered, "Darn, I never win anything. I can't win against Al or you. Life is so unfair. I think I'll go bug Winry."

Roy chuckled and then waved his hand over the foosball table, which disappeared. "Someday the Fullmetal pipsqueak will learn not to mess with me. Some day."

**_Okay, thanks guys for reading this. Let me know what you think. Would you like this to stay as a oneshot, or would you like to see more of their antics? They're always acting crazy around me, so it's not like it would be that hard to find things to write about! Heh._**

"Are you calling me a nut?"

Yes, Ed, I'm calling you a nut.

"Yeah, she called me a nut!" (starts to dance)

"What kind?" said Roy.

Pistachio.

"Aw, no cashews?"

No, Roy, you're a cashew. Pistachios are my favorite because I like the ice cream and pudding they can make out of it, and cashews are my second favorite.

"So I'm only second rate? (sob)"

I never said that, did I?

Ed stops dancing and walks up. "No, of course not. She just means that I'm the king."

Roy rolls his eyes. "No, I'M the Fuhrer!"

"You idiot, you never got to be the Fuhrer!"

Boys, calm down! I've got to end this sometime! (Both stop and stare) Good. Ahem. If any of you readers want to see more, just leave me a review telling me so. Also tell me what you think. This is a really unusual fic for me, so I want to know if there's any interest in watching me exploit the stupid antics of Ed and Roy.

"We are not roleplaying! We-"

"Shut up, Fullmetal."

Heh...yeah.


End file.
